I'm Fine
by Andrewthegreat1
Summary: Those who are the loneliest are the kindest, those who are the saddest smile the brightest, and those who are are the most damaged are the wisest, all because they do not wish to see others suffer the way they do.


**I know I am a generally funny person, but this piece is serious. If this touches you, or you know someone who is suffering, please pass this on. I can't change the world. But united, we are all unstoppable. **

You say you're fine.

Fine.

What does that word even mean anymore? That you're good? Bad? Or maybe it's even worse.

Maybe you're not good OR bad. Maybe being fine is just simply breathing. Simply living, existing. Going through the motions each day without putting much thought into it all.

Maybe being fine isn't what you think it means.

Being fine is wanting a release. No, not suicide, but for something to change in this monotone world. Because if it doesn't….well, maybe you will resort to the latter.

Let me explain.

There comes a time when all feeling is lost. Sure, there are times when you'll smile and be happy, laugh with your friends and family. But it changes. One second you're happy, lost in the moment, but there is always that descent when you can feel the smile slowly sliding off your face. The emotion lasts but a second before it is gone like a wisp of smoke, as if it were never there. And then you are just left to feel numb and empty inside.

And you know what? It hurts. A lot.

Now people wonder how it's possible to be numb and hurt at the same time. But it is possible.

Trust me.

I'm fine.

It starts as disinterest. Suddenly something inside you just stops. None of it matters anymore. You just run out of energy to care. But then again, it's not that you suddenly run out. No, no, no. What really happens is you are depleted of energy, slowly. It doesn't become noticeable for a while though. It's not something you can control. You put too much energy and effort into one thing, and suddenly, it's all used up. Gone. And you start wondering what it was all for. Each step you take makes you feel like you're made of lead, like there are chains binding your feet to this world, a world that promises happiness but does not fulfill that vow.

I'm fine.

So you start going numb. Of course, no one can tell. Because somehow something compels you to keep smiling, some powerful force is pushing you to keep on going against your will. But on the inside, you really want help. You want someone who won't judge, but someone who will hold you tight and whisper that it's ok. You long for this person, and yet, you won't let anyone get that close. Because once someone gets too close, you will push them back out, and possibly further out than ever before, and further than you ever intended. You lose both ways.

I'm fine.

And that is where the hurting stems from. You keep your guard up, but slowly the walls around your heart just continue to grow. But these walls are special. They are not simply made from cement circling the empty cavity in your chest. They are built from fear and insecurity, brick by brick until the wall is completely sealed. It is a strong wall too. You use it every day, to protect yourself, to protect others. Maybe you use it to protect others from yourself. So during the day, you keep your guard up. But that takes away even more energy. Because faking a smile every day can really wear you out.

I'm fine.

So at night, when everyone else is sleeping, you try to fix the cracks in wall, but against your will, the cracks grow and the wall comes tumbling down. And when the walls come down, the truth flows in.

You realize how alone you really are. How no one really cares that you suffer like this each day. You wonder how they can go on living their lives when you are begging for something to change, for someone to hear your silent screams that are only perceptible through your eyes.

They say eyes are the gateway to the soul. And you know that's true, because very morning when you wake up, all you see is someone who is tired. No, not tired from lack of sleep. Tired of faking, tired of acting okay for the benefit of others. You see someone who is on the verge of giving up, someone who is tired of giving it all too much effort. You see someone who is tired of being tired. So when you try to smile in the mirror, hoping it will fool the others, there is one flaw that you notice. The smile doesn't reach your eyes. Now that is an overused saying, but there is truth behind it. When a person smiles, there is a sort of sparkle in their eyes. It lights up their whole face. But when you offer up a fake smile, it lacks strength; it lacks sincerity. And even if your face is smiling, your eyes remain weary and sorrowful. And if you encounter someone who knows the difference between a real and fake smile, they will be able to spot it immediately. They will see through your eyes and deep down into the cracks of your heart. But these people are few. Many of your friends aren't even like this.

I'm fine.

You claim to have friends. But friends are supposed to know you inside and out, aren't they? They should notice when something is wrong.

Right?

I'm fine.

Because you've been trying to stay strong for too long, and soon enough, you are going to break.

And when you do, it will be too late. You will worry that your friends will never see you the same way. But then again, what way is there for them to see? Do they even see you at all?

And when you break, you might do some things that you regret.

People stereotype you.

And you will let them, not because you are ok with it, but because you don't have the strength to tell them not to. Don't let them.

I'm fine.

Society claims that those with depression, those who cut, those who starve themselves, those who cry are just attention seekers, that they all just want the pity of others. Well society needs to open its eyes.

Please society, explain to me how they are attention seekers. Because you know what I see?

I see them as they really are. I see people who don't want pity, they just want someone they can trust. They want someone who can be their friend, someone who can look into their fake smiles and their fake "I'm fine"s, and say "Stop lying. I know you aren't fine. Talk to me. Tell me what's bothering you." I see people who are ready to just give up because they are tired, confused, lonely, and afraid. I see them as they really are because I know what it feels like. And you know what?

It hurts.

So let me tell you something, all of you who suffer. I know it's hard, and I know that you have been told this a million times, but trust me. Don't give up. Life has so much to offer. But unless you take action, everything will stay as it is now.

I'm fine.

Tell someone, someone you trust, someone you love. Tell them how you feel. And if you don't have anyone you think loves you, look a little closer, look a little harder. Because it might feel that way, but there is someone out there who's whose life revolves around you. You are their everything. And they would do anything for you.

Let them get close. I know that it seems impossible, that you will want to push them away, but don't. Because the ones that really love you will stay with you even when you push them away, even when you might hate them. And let them hug you. Let them hold you close and tell you that it's alright, that they are there for you.

Because there will come a day when you shatter, and the dark creature at the back of your head unfurls from it's depths and tries to take over all that you are. And you will need someone to be your rock. Because if they really love you, they will help you no matter what.

Now I might not know what you are going through, but listen carefully. Life. Goes. On. And you are not alone.

Never alone.

Because among those who suffer, there is an unspoken unalterable law. That we will stick together, and even if we might not know the person, we will always be there to listen.

I am here to listen.

Don't let the darkness win. When you are alone and crying and ready to do something you will regret, just remember that we are here. I am here. And I promise you on my life, that you will find something to live for.

But you just have to give it time.

And we need to pass this message on. So help me pass it on.

If you see someone looking sad, even if you are not friends, hug them. Because you may not realize it now, but you might be their rock. The person who ends up saving them. And look into their eyes. Do they hold the same emptiness that yours do? Then you know how they feel.

And maybe, we can eradicate this emptiness from the world. This process will take a while. Sadly, the world is a harsh place, but we have to endure the darkness to grow stronger so that we may appreciate the light. And hopefully, the world will become all light.

Many of you will read this and think "Man, I've heard this speech too many times already."

Hopefully, the rest of you will take these words to heart. Because you are loved. And no one deserves to suffer in silence.

You are stronger than you will ever know.

_The loneliest people are the kindest,_

_The saddest people smile the brightest,_

_The most damaged peole are the wisest,_

_All because they do not wish to see anyone else suffer the way they do._


End file.
